5. Dating

“Can’t take him seriously”

That was a piece of feedback I got on my profile via the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel. I signed up for it a few weeks ago because… well, why the hell not? (Just to put this out there now, I like the app, but the name is kind of stupid. It’s better than some others, but I don’t usually put coffee and bagels together.)

The way this app works is that you fill out a profile and every day you get one match and you have a day to respond whether to like their profile or pass on it. Once you like or pass, they give you the option to say why. They list things like attractiveness, boring profile, distance, and the fact that your profile can’t be taken seriously. The app occasionally gives you feedback on your stats and one of the things they told me was that someone passed on me because they couldn’t take my profile seriously.

To that I say: seriously?

I have four pictures on my profile. One is of me handing out newspapers at the SMSU homecoming parade in Marshall last fall. The other is of me eating a turkey sandwich (because, obviously.) I am also in front of the First Avenue concert venue pointing to the star of my favorite band, the Hold Steady. And then, a selfie. (I feel like you have to put one in there. Also, it was the only good pic I could find where I wasn’t wearing a hat.) Yes, I have a goofy smile, but I seriously look more stupid when I try to be serious.

Not that I’ve seen a lot of guys dating profiles, but the most typical profile pics just don’t really work for me: I don’t hunt, I’m not jacked, I don’t really go out to clubs. So I feel like the pics I chose reflect me pretty well. (Meaning, I like turkey sandwiches.)

It bothered me for a while and I thought about changing my whole profile, but then I thought, why would you take the whole online dating thing seriously anyway? I mean, yes if you’re going to do it, put a little effort into it, but if you’re expecting George Clooney to appear somewhere amid all the swiping and rating, you’ll probably be disappointed. What would a serious dating profile of me look like anyway? Maybe I’d be reading the New York Times or something. Or just sitting straight up in a chair wearing a suit. I don’t know.

I do get down about my lack of a love life from time to time. It’s annoying and frustrating and I feel like I’m doing something wrong at times. But then I realize that, no, I’m not doing a single thing wrong. I like sandwiches. I like smiling. I like watching soccer and reading the newspaper. I feel like I’ve found a little bit of that sweet spot where I know I can be happy.

And if you can’t take that seriously, then it’s probably not going to work out.