33. You Don't Need to Be Miserable

I was texting with a friend last night about some relationship issues they were having with the person they were dating. They were unhappy with how they thought their partner was treating them. It got me thinking about if we try to convince ourselves to be happy, even if we are not, in order to get something we eventually want.

I don't think you have to be miserable in order to be happy. I've done that before. It's not worth it. I don’t believe one needs to be happy all the time, but I think you should know how to be happy by yourself. I think that’s an important trait that future generations will lose as technology gets more prevalent in our lives.

I don’t believe you need someone else to be happy. It sure is great most days, but it shouldn’t be the single solution to your happiness. As I’ve said before, one-button solutions aren’t the recipe for a healthy life. I think it’s more along the lines of, learn how to be happy yourself, so that other person can magnify your happiness, not be the reason for it. Because humans are imperfect, there are days where they won’t be able to be your happiness, so you need to make sure your whole world doesn’t cave in.

Needless suffering doesn’t do much for your love life. I doubt I’ve looked very attractive when I’ve played the “woe is me” card. I get bummed, sure, but I’ve been able to cultivate joy in other areas of my life (writing, eating turkey sandwiches.)

Lots of my friends are married/having kids/making future plans and when you don't have that, it can feel really shitty. Let me say that again. It's the worst when you think are somehow falling behind in life. I feel like I haven't been able to get a serious relationship going in about two years now and I question myself all the time. Whatever. I’ve written a book. I’ve gotten my own theme night. I’m a known quantity in the turkey sandwich reviewing field.

I know what I like and what I don't. I know my values. And that's awesome. Being by yourself can be lame, but I'd rather be happy and lonely, then attached and miserable.

I listened to this podcast the other day about love. The person said that you shouldn't treat your search for love as looking for "the one." You should look it as finding the right person for the journey you are on. I think that's so true. You can't force it.

I’m getting a condo soon. There is some work that needs to be done on it. Namely painting and some minor repairs. I’m looking forward to it. It’s not going to be perfect right away, but with time, energy, and a little effort, it’ll be fantastic. I’m going to probably do a lot of work on it the two weeks after I close and before I move in. I’m excited to just listen to podcasts or baseball or whatever else is on and do the work.

I think that’s kind of the way relationships are supposed to work as well.