230. Dating

As most of you who are reading this probably know, I’ve been single for a few months. I dated a really great girl for a couple months earlier this year, but due to a variety of factors, we decided to end it. And it’s fine, it just means going back out on the dating scene. Even though it sounds fun (and my co-workers think I’m just having a ball), it’s been a bit of a roller coaster.

These last few months of dating have felt different. It’s just felt like something I need to do. It feels like any other part of my day: eating, sleeping, breathing, working, exercising, dating. It’s become a process. I meet someone, we go for drinks, we learn the basics, and then we make a decision with whether we want to see this thing through, or we just stop texting one another.

I’ve gone on some fun dates, and I’ve met some interesting people, but every avenue in that regard has come to a dead end. And I’ll be honest, every connection I’ve made online has been a mixture of excitement and disdain. These dates kind of feel like homework. And that’s probably not fair to any of the many (many) fantastic women I’ve made met up with.

I thought about the women I’ve really, really been in love with. There’s been three. (I’ve said I love you to a few more. Those were different and I really don’t feel like diving into that subject for this blog post.) I remember how things kind of just glided into a relationship. It felt like things got some seasoning and we were able to build. It didn’t feel like a process. Of course, that was when I was younger, in school, and had a lot fewer obligations.

So why does dating and falling in love have to just feel like a chore these days? Someone is going to say, “Well,we’re all busy.” I don’t really buy that. I know some lawyers who work too hard and I also know plenty of people who just go to their job and then they watch Netflix most of the evening. I think most mid-twenties single people probably have more time on their hands than they’d like to admit.

I know this whole “dating sucks” thing is trite. The only response people can think of is “Oh, well, someone will come around.” I don’t know. Maybe. It’s just not fun. Shouldn’t this be fun? Shouldn’t this whole thing be fun? I’ve come to dread spending money on dates because it just feels like money wasted. Ugh.

Maybe I should just cool it for a while. Whenever something begins to feel compulsory to me, I try to stop and re-evaluate. Usually that involves stopping whatever I’m doing for a while and just gathering myself. I’ve deleted a few of those apps on and off for the past weeks. Maybe I’ll take a more permanent vacation and see where other things go.