276. Patience

Dear Al,

I spoke with Corey today. We discussed our friends’ life updates. He asked me if I was having a quarter-life crisis with everyone’s life developments, while I’m still single and kid-less. I thought for a second and responded with an assured no. I come back to something whenever I get caught up in my friend’s life updates: I am happy. I’m not happy in the “look-how-happy-I-am” sense. I’m happy because I know what makes me happy: soccer, good beer, running, catching up with friends, reading the newspaper. While a lot of people think adulthood is boring, I didn’t realize how underrated that feeling is when you finally understand what makes you happy and what you need. It feels really, really good.

I’ve been thinking a lot about patience lately. I’ve been on a few dates with this girl. And they’ve been really wonderful. I feel really good about it, but she said she still needs to work through some personal things. I understand where she’s coming from and I’m more than willing to be patient. I think I told her the most real thing I’ve ever told someone I’ve gone on dates with. I said, “I’m a kind person. I’m a thoughtful person. I’m a patient person, and above, I’m a loyal person. However, if you take advantage of any of those things, I’m going to be really mad.” I don’t know what’s going to come of this relationship, but I’m just going to let it be and not try to make those little adjustments to try and move things along.

This may sound a little weird, but I’ve tried to just embrace moments and not try and adjust them. If I’m sad, I try and be sad for a while. If I’m joyful, I try to be joyful for a while. If I’m angry, I try to be angry for a while. I’m not trying to change things. I remember in my relationship with Mallory, I desperately tried to change things when things were on the rocks. I sent emails. I tried to get her attention anyway I could. I did every little thing to try and make everything ok. Except, sometimes things are not ok. I fell into a bad place because of all those adjustments. I probably hurt her a lot, and I hurt myself as well. I spent the next year doing everything I could to try and get out of that place. I didn’t realize that sometimes, time is just the best medicine. One of the best things I learned from that experience is that you don’t have to suffer to be happy.

I’m going to watch “Good Will Hunting” instead of the debate tonight. I’ve got a growler of Pecan Brown Ale and a sections of the New York Times and Star Tribune on the table with me. I’m listening to the Mountain Goats “This Year.” I’m about to order a sweatshirt from an organization that a friend of mine works for. I’m really excited about all of these things. These things make me happy.

Talk to you soon,

Nick