292. Being Honest

It’s weird being single in your late 20s. I know I shouldn’t whine. I should accept it and enjoy what life has to offer as a bachelor—and I believe I do, most days—but it feels like I’m the odd man out some days.

I’ll put this out there now. A guy whining on the internet about being single? Wow, it must be so painful for you! (It sucks sometimes, but it’s not painful.) You need to put yourself out there more! (I do, or at least I feel like I do.) You must be having fun every weekend! (I like to think I do, but I don’t enjoy crowded clubs. I get anxious.) You have to stop comparing yourself to other people! (I try not to, but when another friend announces a kid, and your cleaning Triscuit crumbs off your chest, you gotta go through a little bit of self-reflection.) Enjoy this time while you have it! (Again, I like to think I do, with running, naps, cooking, watching soccer, spontaneous day trips. The only thing I really haven’t done yet is a trip to Europe.)

Now that cleared my throat. I had a second date with someone Friday. I had a really great time. We were in Uptown and went to the Up—Down arcade bar. We played arcade games for about two hours. While 10-year-old me would have loved that, we both agreed that it was a bit much. It was two-for-one tokens night, so we underestimated how many tokens we needed. We went to a brewery afterwards and continued the conversation. While the night was fun, I brought up that I wasn’t quite feeling the chemistry of a relationship. She agreed.

The fun night wasn’t what bothered me for the rest of the weekend. It was the fact that this woman checked a lot of boxes in a relationship: same taste in music, general fun demeanour, good conversationalist. But it didn’t feel like a relationship would work. That’s the baffling part. I’ve adjusted for so many different things. I’ve emphasized different qualities I value. I’ve tried to overlook things, and I’ve tried to accept other things. It just hasn’t worked out. I don’t know what to do about it.

I think this is what I’m going to do. I have a subscription to one app that I intended to only try out for a month. (Don’t judge, me please.) I’m going to let that run out. I have the push notifications on, so I’m not going to check it except for the those. There’s another one that gives you daily matches. I’m going to keep that one going, but I’m only going to check it once a day. I don’t need to keep checking, and rechecking it to wonder if anything has changed. That doesn’t do me any good. I think the constant anxiety of having the potential of a world-changing date is exhausting. That’s not good, really. Narrow your scope. That will make things a lot easier.

This too shall pass, probably. It’s just going to suck for a while.