315. You Helped Me

You helped me.

There was a moment when it felt really tough. I was at work at the newspaper. It was going to be another boring night without many games. After getting a lot of my work done in the first 20 minutes or so, I got a little jittery. There was a lot on my mind: ex-girlfriends, a lack of money, happiness, potential internships, life changes, my hurting teeth. Those were all things that I was having trouble processing. I didn’t understand why it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

I couldn’t stand it at some point. I had to leave my desk. I don’t know if it was the people, or the work, or just feeling like crap, but I couldn’t be there anymore. Since the office was relatively small and open, everyone could hear most of what I was saying. I stepped out of our suite and into the main office area. I paced up and down the hallway as tears started to well in my eyes. I’m not sure if it was an extreme panic attack, but I was having a hard time controlling everything. I was crying. Things felt like they were spiraling out of control.

I sat down on the stairs and you talked me through everything. Thank you for that. It was extremely helpful and I was able to go back to work. Not everything was all fine, but it was good enough to where I could actually function at my desk. You helped me. Thank you for that.

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I forget how wonderful it is to have someone care about you. I’ve been rewatching “How I Met Your Mother.” It’s been a nice shot of serotonin amid a time when everything feels like it’s on fire. (Also, I forgot how great the writing on that show was.) There was one episode after Marshall and Lilly had a kid and they were having trouble hanging on to their relationships with their friends. I don’t have a kid, but it is difficult. And I’m guessing it’s difficult to keep juggling all the commitments in your life as you take care of another human being.

Lilly and Marshall told their friends that they shouldn’t come to them with anything that isn’t an eight or higher. Eight meaning the severity of the problem they were facing. Well Ted, Robin, and Barney all tried to keep their distance, it got a little much the new parents were basically refusing to hear any problems. This made everyone resentful towards them. Eventually they change their minds.

I hope I never get like that. I assume if/when I have a kid that it will take up a lot of my time, but I like being there for my friends, no matter what the severity of the problem is. I told myself a long time ago that I want to be the type of friend that visits people in the hospital. Luckily, none of my friends have not been in that situation quite yet, but if/when it does come, I’ll be there.